I think it's emotional cheating but he doesn't think anything is wrong.

Hi all,

I already read a lot of helpful posts and I hope to get some input on my own situation.

I am 28F, my boyfriend 28M and we are together for 3.5 years, living together for about the same time.

This year has been really hard because of some family problems. My mental health got a lot worse and while I am treated for it, it also affected our relationship and the last months we have grown a bit distance. We had talk a few weeks ago and acknowledged that we have to work on this relationship. I told him that I feel he is not giving me any form of affection, I barely get a good morning text and it's usually me initiating any form of physical contact.

Yesterday I checked his WhatsApp in a "spur of the moment" situation. Probably a gut feeling... I honestly can't remember. I found his chat with his coworker (30something F, married and kids) and they were extremely flirty. They would send each other pictures of their bodies and outfit and swoon about how hot they find each other. They also complained about their partners, relationship in general and how they wished sometimes they would be single. He also wrote how he is relieved every time I am not home.

I was quite shocked by the texts. Especially since he told me he is not much of a texted and he don't think we need to flirt via text... But he is very obviously able to write around the clock with this woman. Like, he is telling me "Sorry I couldn't text, I was busy at work" but he lets her know immediately when he wakes up. They also made plans to meet at our home whenever I am not there.

I confronted him directly and he completely denied anything. He said she is just a friend, they never did anything, and that I abused his trust and that I am the guilty one now. While I agree that I shouldn't have looked at his texts, I asked him if he sees anything wrong with the way he was writing with that women. He says no, in his opinion he did nothing wrong.

We're kinda in a limbo now. He expects me to put effort know so he knows he can trust me again. But I struggle with the fact that he doesn't see anything wrong. He doesn't want me to leave to get some air and distance and time to think, because "then I am just running away from the relationship". So I am walking on eggshells in our apartment and completely lost what to do.

I am on the verge of breaking up, for my own pride and respect. But what if he is right? What if I really overreact? I am just so confused.