I miss the love I lost but not the girl I lost and I don't know how to feel

The relationship was online (I know that's cringe but hear me out) when the relationship started I was a horrible person, I flirted with other girls I followed some weird insta accounts ect. I got better but I could tell she struggled to forgive me she doesn't believe people can change. We had been dating for a year planning to meet up (on Halloween) but our relationship was slowly getting worse. we were arguing and she'd bring up my past mistakes all I could do was apologize (yes I was truly sorry.) One day mid argument she said she'd be better if we never met and blocked me.

Although she wasn't a great girlfriend and a bit of a narcissist at times when she wasn't being mean I felt loved she'd reply quick we'd video call loads and I was in love. I don't miss her but in my relationship now I don't feel the same connection I hope I'll feel more connected soon as our relationship is in it's infancy and a real irl relationship. My new girlfriend is always busy so I only really get to see her at school and we don't text to much so we don't interact as often as I do with my online ex.

Let me say again I do NOT miss my ex at all she was narcissistic and couldn't understand how I had development and changed as a person and our relationship turned toxic by the end . I miss the feelings I had I miss have someone I loved that I could talk to 24/7

What makes this worse is I don't have any real friends so I can't text or go out with people when my girlfriend is busy so I get lonely a problem I didn't have with my ex as she wasn't so busy

Idk if anyone can relate or if I'm a horrible person I don't know much about relationships. But what I do know is I have changed alot since the beginning of the relationship even if my ex chooses to think that's impossible.