I almost kissed another girl

A while back, I was really drunk at a party with some friends and my girlfriend. During that party I went outside to sober up a little bit and a girl who I’ve been friends with and very briefly had a thing with in the past decided to join me.

For context, recently me and my girlfriend have been thinking about breaking up and have been having a really rough time. I’ve been feeling really upset with the whole thing and unsure of what I should do and it’s really been wearing on me.

Anyways, we were out here and we were just chatting about life and my relationship stuff and I was feeling really vulnerable about my relationship and thinking about how I didn’t know what to do, and so I asked the girl if she would kiss me so I could see if I really wanted to be with my girlfriend. I should add that I never had any intention of really doing it because I still knew better than that, but I still asked. We talked about a bunch of stuff between us in the past for like an hour and then went back and my girlfriend was upset with me for going on the walk with her without telling her.

I didn’t do it because we both decided it was really stupid and not something either of us actually wanted to do. I feel really really horrible about it but that moment helped me realize that THAT is not the kind of person I want to be and I won’t stoop to that level. It also made me realize how much I care about my girlfriend and that I would like us to be able to work through our issues.