Does anyone else feel an immense amount of HATRED?

I feel HATRED, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANGST, and LONELINESS and there is nothing I can do to stop any of these emotions, I've tried so hard for so long and I can't hold on. I am 17 and will be committing suicide when I am 19 and I feel calm, I feel at ease when I think about it. I have no qualm and I feel just right. I know I am not right in the head, I believe I may have found out what I have (DPDR) and I feel no pain, I just feel HATRED which drives me so much farther than anything ever has before! It knows no bounds! All I feel is BITTER FUCKING HATRED