Savings as a woman in a married couple

Here lots of people talk about savings and expenses as a married couple. Though is that true for a woman in reality? Do women here have troubles with spending, when most of the money comes from the husband?

Some background: I am a woman (33) and my mother raised me to just count on myself for savings and expenses. She was a SAHM for most of her life, grew up very poor, and I think she suffered not earning her own money once she got married and stopped working. My dad always said clearly that the money he was earning were theirs, but somehow I think she never really felt free to spend them freely. She would often encourage me to spend mine, and not just save them. And there is some truth in that, I really struggle to make big or small purchases that don’t have a need behind them.

The now: I decided to resign as I reached my (personal) lean fire number, she was sick and didn’t have long left, so that helped me with the decision, as I was hoping to be able to spend more time with her. Sadly she passed during my notice period. To be fair, my husband was also pressing me for some time to resign, as he wanted to go back to our native country. He insisted that our NW should be considered together, even if I contributed less to it.

Alone I’m lean fire (all money come from my years of working abroad), with my husband’s NW together we’re a normal fire (he’s got double what I have, all from inheritance).

So now I’m finding myself in what I think was her situation: not feeling free to spend any money, and feeling at a disadvantage as I contributed less than my husband. Are there any women here finding the same struggle? How did you get over it?