half a year since my baby (cat) went missing and I’m having a breakdown

4th of november will be the 6 months mark. i don’t wanna go into details cause i’ve said them so many times to hundreds if not thousands of strangers.

i miss him so so much. so much. i cried non stop last night and now today. he was my son. the best decision i ever made was fighting my parents to get him and adopt him. he taught me how to love, how to care, how to be responsible.

you know the bad trope of mothers sacrificing everything for their kid? that was me with my baby and i was so happy doing so. i got him a cat house and water fountain with my first paycheck. unfortunately he went missing leas than a month after and he didnt get much time to enjoy them. i got him catnip and his favorite treats too. he never got to finish them. he never got to finish a lot of things.

i had a plan of hopefully me making it out of this shithole, making him a passport and taking him with me, i wanted to give him vitamins and the best food so he doesnt get arthritis and constipated when he’s old. i wanted to brush his teeth more so he won’t get tooth pain. i bought him pet hair clippers cause he didnt like the vet but he needed some of his fur clipped. i wanted to annual check ups when he reaches the age of 5. i wanted to celebrate all of his birthdays. i even wanted to euthanize him when he’s too old to enjoy his time and when his old man pain starts flaring up. i wanted to give him the best day possible that day, to bury him in my garden with a headstone so i can look at him everyday. but i never reached his 4th birthday. it’s on 25/12. he was a christmas miracle and he was my miracle baby. I’m crying again. i love him so so so much and i’ll never love anything, not a human or an animal or a thing, nowhere near him.