Feeling anxious after sharing my test results with a friend.
I know this probably isn't the usual post that is submitted on here, but I wasn't really sure where else to ask about it. I'm an 18 y/o girl, I have basically zero BDSM experience or relationship experience in general (I'm just extremely avoidant), and everything I know has come purely from what I've read on the internet. Today I was talking to one of my long-distance friends over the phone, and I've known her for years and trust her with my life. I'm not sure how the topic came up exactly, but we were doing some personality tests, and I said, " Wouldn't it be funny if we took the BDSM test together," like an idiot. Now, I have done this test before, back when I was in 9th grade, and I guess I got interested in kink at a younger age than most due to the fact that most of my kinks stem from childhood trauma, so our knowledge on the topic was really different.
Anyway, she started to screenshare, and I warned her about the questions, but she was still pretty embarrassed when she opened up the quiz, so I suggested we do something else, and she agreed. But then she brings it up again, and she's like I'll do my quiz off camera and send you my results. She gets me to do it as well, and then we both take the quiz. While we were taking it, she laughed at some of the questions and also interpreted the age play/ddlg questions as pedophilia, which is probably understandable, but also really stuck out to me personally.
In the end, I'm really hesitant to send my results, but I'm also stupidly nosy, so I send them, and she sends hers. She ended up being like 90 something percent vanilla, which is fine, I dont really care about that and she said she wouldnt judge me regarding my results which I know she tried her best but... she didnt know what half the terms meant and I got a pretty high percentage for "little" and she searched it up on call and I just saw her eyes widen in complete shock before she acted like it didnt happen and I know she didnt really act disgusted or anything or say something about it, she even went on for half an hour showing me some embbarrssing things to make me feel better.
Despite it, though, I still feel so much anxiety about it, paired with her other remarks during the test, and I'm just worried she's weirded out now, and seeing her result made me feel sort of gross about myself, I guess. I can't really explain myself without bringing up the topic again, either, and at the end of the call, we laughed it off and said let's act like this call never happened, so it's not really an option anyway. I know she's too nice to say anything mean, which is probably what's causing most of my anxiety because I have no idea what she's thinking internally.
Posted Nov 1, 2025, 11:52 PM UTC