Should I give her a second chance?

My husband is an only child and his father left early on. His mom never had another partner, so it feels like she sees him as “hers” and has never fully accepted me as part of the family. I always went above and beyond for her. I called her Ami, helped her move, unpacked her entire place, and treated her like I would my own mother. She never reciprocated and I now realize I blurred boundaries early on.

After she moved near us, we had two major conflicts.

First conflict: She came over discussing the plan of care for her sick mom and sister. My husband asked for my opinion. I said either they all stay here or all go, because she feels guilty sending them away and not being there with them. She snapped and said no one makes her decisions. I clarified that I was only speaking hypothetically. Later, when my husband asked for my input again, I said I didn’t want to intrude because if I suggested they go back, she might think I just didn’t want them near us.

Out of nowhere she turned to me and said I am bothered by them being here and that I want more time with my husband. She said that if he is my husband, she gets a portion of him too, and asked what I would do if he had siblings who also wanted a portion of him. She said she gave us seven years to get to know each other and asked when our honeymoon period will end. My husband said it will never end. She laughed and said it needs to end now, and “where are your kids.” I have had five miscarriages in the last three years and she knows this. I told my husband how hurtful and twisted that was. He witnessed it all and spoke to her to set boundaries.

Second conflict: She used our home address for her brother’s Social Security even though he does not live with us. When the letter arrived, I asked my husband and he said maybe she used our address, so I should clarify. I texted her politely asking why we received the letter. She replied that she already asked my husband’s permission to use HIS home address and told me in a taunting tone, don’t worry because her brother would not be living with us.

I replied that I also live in this house and if I am unaware of mail coming, I might throw it out, so I just wanted clarity. I could tell she was upset, so I called to clear the air. The moment she picked up she yelled at me asking how I could say I also live in the house. She said she asked her son already and now she has to ask me too, then hung up. She later lied to my husband, claiming she never yelled and that I yelled at her. My husband got us on a call to resolve it, and she talked over me the entire time. He eventually told her to stop and resolve it. She cried and made excuses about having too many responsibilities.

These are just the first two fights this year. Since we got married she has constantly made jabs. She tried tagging along on our trips, vacations, and even date nights. My husband finally stopped allowing that, but she still demands his time and attention like a spouse. Being around her makes me physically sick. My husband does not even have a strong emotional bond with her, just obligation.

I am now no contact. I do not speak to her even when she is around. I do not want her in my home. When she is present, it feels like I am around a sister wife, not a mother-in-law.

My husband has made it clear that he won’t cut her off and I don’t want that for him. I just want boundaries. I just wanna know how frequently do I need to see her. I wouldn’t force him from not seeing her but I am tired of being around her and really don’t want her around, but there is also a guilt that eats me internally that, am I doing something wrong? Am I being too much? Maybe it’s my childhood wounds and people pleasing personality but I do not I will never be accepted by her. She sees me as someone who took her so away. What would you do in a situation like this?