UPDATE to Partner says he needs “closure” with his ex who won’t stop contacting him. I don’t know what to do.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/jn0hNEW6fF

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented. I really appreciate the insight and honesty. I want to add a bit more context to explain where things stand.

When my visa expired, Steve said there was no point in him staying in that city if I couldn’t be there anymore. So he gave up his apartment (he was renting), sold most of his stuff, sent a few boxes to his mom’s place, and left the country with me. At that time, he had no steady income and he was living off savings (he still kind of is). I eventually had to return to my home country for work, and around that same time, he got offered a well-paying freelance gig back in his country, so he decided to take it.

That move (leaving the city and following me) made me feel like he was “all in.” Why else would someone give up their home and stability unless they were sure about wanting to be with you? The plan has always been to live together in my country while we figure out a third country where it would be easier for both of us to get permanent residence. He doesn’t want to get married just so I can stay in his country (which, to be fair, I understand), and honestly, I can build a life somewhere else if I have to.

As for Whitney… she’d been quiet for months. The last time they had any contact was back in May, when I was actually in his home country as a student. He got a call from an unknown number, took it and turns out it was her.

He left with me in late July, and now he’s back in his country temporarily for that job. He’s crashing on his best friend’s couch.

We think she found out he was back because someone who follows him on Instagram must’ve told her because she doesn’t have access to his accounts, but she’s resourceful and works for a phone company, so getting new numbers to message him isn’t hard for her. He hasn’t replied to her recent messages.

Still, I can’t ignore the fact that he’s affected by her messages. That tells me he’s not completely over her. So I’ve decided to step back and let his actions do the talking. If he truly wants to be with me, he’ll make plans to see me and follow through.

It scares me to think it might be over, because I do love him even though we’re not technically “official.” But I’m not going to compete with her. If he wants me, he’ll show it. He already gave up his apartment, but I’m realizing that doesn’t necessarily mean full commitment.

For now, I’m quietly pulling back and letting him walk the walk, not just talk the talk. I’ll keep you all posted. Thanks everyone for your insights, they really helped me make that decision.