Do I miss my ex or just the validation he gave me

I was with a guy last year for about 9 months. For me that’s long — most of my relationships barely make it a month. He was honestly the most attractive guy I’ve ever dated. Our breakup was messy and I hurt him even though he was a genuinely good person. I cried over him for 3 months after, which is unusual for me because normally I move on in minutes.

Now we’re cool and both moved on. I’m in a new relationship with someone I genuinely love and would never leave. He treats me better in every possible way.

But here’s the confusing part:

• Sometimes I still think about my ex • I feel happy when he messages me • If he’s slow to reply, I feel anxious • When he does reply, I feel relieved again • I don’t reach out first or care when we’re not talking • If he tried to win me back, I’d block him instantly

I also sometimes check his online status or his girlfriend’s TikTok — nothing extreme. When I first found out about them I was jealous and hurt, however I genuinely wish them the best now from the bottom of my heart and from I’ve seen she’s an amazing woman.

But I realised something recently: When I asked him to tell his family about us, or to marry me he couldn’t give me an answer. His new girlfriend got that commitment within 3 months and 5 months after that they’re engaged.

I don’t actually want him. I don’t imagine a future with him. I love the man I’m with now.

So… do I miss him? Or do I just miss how he made me feel?

Has anyone else experienced something like this?