Sharing to your partner

I (24m) am currently in a relationship with my girlfriend (23f) of 1 year and let’s just say me sharing abdl to her has not gone as I hoped. I shared to her about 6 months into our relationship and the immediate reaction was that of disgust and disbelief. She didn’t want no part of this in our relationship and could not understand how anyone would be sexually aroused to diapers (I’m ~80% DL, ~20% AB).

At the time of me sharing I was at a point where I had not had diapers at home for more than 2 years and my desire to wear was pretty low (due to life situation and binge purge cycle etc.). However, we agreed that we would talk about this fetish if needed (she did not want me to sneak diapers behind her back, which I totally understand).

Fast forward to a month ago and I felt that I had been suppressing this side of me all too much as of late and I talked about Abdl with my gf again. She again bursted out in tears implying that it was giving pedo-vibes and that she could not understand how anyone would have these desires (she is pretty vanilla). Again I suppressed my abdl-feelings until recently where I told her that I can’t suppress this part of me no more.

Since then our relationship has been nothing but shrambles. She feels that she has to have diaper sex with me (which is not the case. I am very serious and clear that I don’t want to force her to do anything. If she doesn’t want, that’s fine) or we’ll have to breakup. I gave a proposal that I could indulge in Abdl in private but she just sees me as a monster and doesn’t want that. She has also confirmed that she doesn’t love this part of me and will most likely accept this.

To summarize this, I only wanted to vent how I am feeling and how lonely I feel at this moment. I love her and besides this we connect in so many ways. But I just also feel that if she really loved me, she would accept 100% of me. Both the beauty and the ugly.

How should I move forward?