gaining weight really fast

i started recovery about 2 weeks ago and i’m already up multiple pounds because i feel like i can’t stop eating. I don’t see anyone on my team for 2 whole weeks (i was supposed to see my therapist on Tuesday (11/4) but she had to reschedule so now i don’t see her until the 13th - so im worried im going to be up even more by that time and it’s embarrassing and also makes me so sad. I just cried for almost half an hour (even though i literally never cry. seriously, i think the meds im on make it so i don’t cry) because i don’t know what to do. I love food. I love it so much. I love eating. It tastes so good and brings me a hit of dopamine but i’m petrified of weight gain. I so so badly don’t want to gain weight. I’m not underweight and i was almost overweight when this all started about 3 years ago, so im finally okay-ish with the way my body looks and i don’t want it to change. I have a meal plan but im going way over it and im so embarrassed about that. im embarrassed at the speed im gaining weight and i wish i could ask my therapist how to deal with this. mostly so that she knows im still struggling even though im gaining weight. it makes me feel like a wannarexic. because i am in a way. i wanna be thin and sick. i cant decide if im more jealous of the people sicker than me or the people who have a healthy brain.