Waiting for anything

At this point I feel like I am just waiting for anything to give me an excuse. I have so many plans. All I need it one bad argument, one more accident one bad grade. And that is enough for me. I've got some drugs I can put into my veins that will paralyze and kill me. I've got access to a gun. I've got access to a knife, I've been hospitalized twice for SI. I would be so surprised if I make it out of November. Can't think of any reasons to keep going.