Didn’t Need Petty Revenge — Karma Did It For Me (Five Years Later)

Sorry for the long post, but it’s genuinely hard to sum up five years of chaos, heartbreak, and eventual karma into one story.

Welcome, petty potatoes and our petty queen Charlotte, to a revenge story that took half a decade to unfold. Buckle up, because this ride includes religion, toxic families, emotional fallout, and the sweetest bit of cosmic justice I didn’t even have to lift a finger for.

I’m 26F now, and this all started when I was 21. My college best friend (also 26F) just gave me an update about my ex (26M) — the guy who wrecked my peace for years. Let’s rewind to the beginning…

For context, before my ex, I had never really dated and was dubbed the “innocent friend” by all my friends (like they would stop playing Cards Against Humanity if I showed up, cause I was innocent and they didn’t want to “ruin me”). Joke's on them, I guess, cause my ex did it anyway.

Hindsight is 20/20, and there are a lot of things I wish I had done differently, but there’s no changing the past. Anyway, I am going to tell this story from the perspective of how old I was when the events happened.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: sexual assault and physical intimacy. Religion also plays a big part in this story since I come from a religious state in the US and am deeply religious myself, as are several people in this story. This story also gets pretty deep.

When I was 21 (fall 2020) my bff and I got a shared master room together for fall semester of college since it was in person again. The place we lived in was trash (we call it the rat shack whenever we talk about it, lol), but we had so much fun living together. She is from our college town, and for Halloween, she got permission from her grandma to take some friends to their family cabin (20 min away) with her family. She took her boyfriend at the time, me, and a friend whom we will call E, who had just come home from a religious mission for our church. We went on a long drive the 4 of us, and took some fun pictures and just had a blast together. When we got the the cabin, her family was already there. I don’t remember everything we did but we were watching a movie, playing games and eating food. The only two open seats were at the kitchen counter and E sat in one. I sat down in the other after him (also I have social anxiety and this was the first time I interacted with him). I made small talk and just tried to eat food and went to play games with my bffs' brothers.

The next day, I get a group text with all the pictures on it that we took and that is how E got my number. He texted the group asking if we all wanted to hang out again, my bff bailed last minute, and it ended up just being the two of us. If I remember right, my bff said he was trying to make new friends since coming home so I went, though I can’t remember what we did. It was after that he started asking if I wanted to hang out and go on dates. After seeing each other every day for a week, he drove me to a class off campus and kissed me before getting out of the car. I remember walking down the hall to my class feeling giddy and excited since I had never really been in a relationship (I had dated and had my first kiss by this point but not a serious relationship). After when he picked me up, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I obviously said yes.

The first few months were definitely the honeymoon period, and we spent so much time together. I was absolutely happy. He met my family at the end of November and they liked him. I already knew his family since his parents lived next door to my bffs parents, and E and my bff went to high school together. I had been to his parents’ house once for a game night long before we started dating. He was living in his parents’ basement as he went to college to save money. I thought his family really liked me too until February 2021 when his mom saw us making out in the basement during a movie (he was 22 and I was almost 22) we weren’t doing anything else, but she lost her mind. E shut down and went silent while she yelled, and after she stomped upstairs, he grabbed me by the arm and led me out of the house. I went home and went to bed.

The details are a bit fuzzy about the aftermath since I have blocked some of it out. I do know that I hardly heard anything from him that weekend, which was Valentine's day, and he did nothing to celebrate it (holidays are big in my family). Even then, I was worried about him so I took him some of his favorite chocolate. He was home alone, and his brother got home as I got there. I went downstairs to the basement to check on him and after talking for a few minutes I heard the rest of his family come home. His mom stomped downstairs in a rage, asked if he was ok, then went upstairs and slammed her bedroom door closed like a teen mad at their parent. He said he was fine, I should leave, and again ushered me out of the house. When we got to my car he THEN explained to me that I wasn’t welcome there, that his mom didn’t want me in her house. I went home in shock. I can’t remember when I ended up having a conversation with him about why she was mad, but he told it was because we were making out in a dark basement in her house and she didn’t want him doing that. Not the in her house part, but kissing in general. I was upset with why he did tell me before I went over and his response? “I didn’t want to have to tell you something so hard so I just didn’t tell you.” Looking back im like “excuse me?” Yet I somehow loved this guy and we worked things out.

The next few events all happened around the same time and sent me in to fight or flight node, so my memory of the rest of the timeline gets a little fuzzy (trauma lol) but some other things that happened around February-April 2021 are:

• He sent me an apology pizza around my birthday for something (maybe not celebrating valentines?) from work (he worked at a pizza place) and the note inside the box was in his girl coworkers handwriting. He said he thought his handwriting was too bad.
• My bff that shared a room with me was sexually assaulted by a mutual friend’s husband outside our apartment and joked about breaking in at night to get to her again. We shared a room. We spent the rest of the spring blocking him on everything, changing her job, classes, her routines etc. because he would follow her and leave notes on her car and contact her in any way possible including Spotify playlist names. I even let her drive my car while I used hers since mine was black. My ex did nothing, even when I showed up at his work crying, 
• My car broke down while I was driving it, I was close to his house so I parked there. His mom didn’t want my car in front of her house cause it was an “eyesore” (it was a black sedan and had been there for a few days while I got a new car, then like 2 more days after I got it) so he said he’d help me tow it to the scrap yard the next day. I show up with my bff and after lining up his truck and getting the tow line out, he gets a call from his sister. He says his sister was on her lunch break, wanted to get lunch, and he left. My bff and I hooked it up and towed it ourselves. She says this is the moment she knew he was an a**hole.
• My parents moved farther away (were 3 hours, now 4.5 hours) and they were my closest family and support besides my older sister who didn’t have a car and lived 3 hours away
• One day, E thought it would be a good idea to ask his dad why I was being treated like sh*t by him and his wife, and he responded with “You seem like a good girl, but really you’re too physically intimate and doing things you shouldn’t be” and continued judging my moral character. While my ex was standing next to me. When he took me home, my ex said “this is good. Now we know where you stand with my parents” I should’ve broken up with him then but I didn’t.

When spring semester ended, I was so numb and felt unsafe everywhere. Leading up to October 2021, I changed EVERYTHING in my life. I moved apartments (my bff moved home, then met someone and got married in November) changed roommates 2x, got all new friends, new car, new job, changed my graduation plan, changed where I went to church, EVERYTHING except our relationship. During that summer I took him to my family reunion, my religious mission reunion, showed him where I grew up, and things seemed to be going alright. We planned our whole lives out, our wedding and how to include his extended family in Chile, his dreams for his career, kids, where to live, etc. His parents calmed down slightly, though I never felt welcome or comfortable in their home or around them. I had little old ladies from the neighborhood finding me at work before I changed jobs asking about my relationship. Not me, just my relationship. (His mom was talking to them about me apparently). 

In October, we were leaving church one day together and I just felt so gross inside. I had never felt like that leaving church, I always felt peaceful inside. Not that day though. I had one of the worst full on panic melt downs in the car. I was hysterical, telling him everything I was doing to change my life, I hadn’t done anything wrong, I felt sick inside like something was wrong but I had no idea what it was, I changed everything except our relationship, etc. After what felt like ages, he said he had something he needed to tell me. After another 10 minutes trying to drag it out of him, he admitted he was addicted to pornography, had been since childhood, and he had been hiding it the whole relationship and the only people that knew were his parents, our bishop, and how me. I was in shock as he said he would understand if I wanted to break up with him over this, but I “loved” him and wanted to make it work. Up until valentines weekend 2022, I tried to help him with his addiction, but looking back he was completely checked out and waiting for me to break up with him. He ditched me several times for his parents cause they “needed” his help (his parents were trying to sabotage us and I guess it worked). One time he said he was on his way, and 2 hours later still hadn’t showed or responded to me (he lived 2 minutes away, and this wasn’t the first time he had done this, though it usually lasted 30 min max).

In February 2022, valentines day weekend, we went to lunch and honestly, the words came out of no where and I broke up with him. He told me he was waiting for me to say that, he thought I liked him cause I sat next to him at the cabin that day, then felt like he wasn’t enough, etc. We hugged in the parking lot, him saying he really wanted to be friends and still loves me and is honored to have known a person like me. I was hysterical and supposed to go to work. I called my mom, who helped calm me down enough to go to work and drove down immediately to help me. She stayed with me that weekend, and E texted me once asking to talk. When I told him I was with my mom, I never heard from him again.

I have spent every moment of my life since trying to heal and move on. It has been excruciating long, painful, and the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life. Looking back there were so many red flags and he didn’t respect my physical boundaries, protect me, or stand up for me. I still have trust issues, anxiety, and now depression, which I take meds and am in therapy for, but I was in fight/flight mode for another 1.5 years after the break up. And by that I mean that feeling you get when you cross a road after looking both ways but a car comes out of nowhere and isn’t stopping and is going to hit you and you have to decide to run forward, go back, or freeze and get hurt, but the car stops at the last second. Once you cross the street you start breathing again and feel the adrenaline leave and feel tired for a bit and your day goes on. I was in that state for almost 2 years and it really messed me up. I am more angry at E for that than anything he did while we were together. All I had every wanted in my life was to get married to my best friend and have my own family and he ruined it for me while destroying every part of myself that I loved in the process.

But I have worked my a** off, graduated college, gotten another new car with no connection to him, survived a horrible roommate and a horrible start to my career in education, and now have my own 2 bed 2 bath apartment, own all my own furniture and appliances, everything I own is in my name with no co signers, I have a full time salaried job with my own health benefits and retirement plan, and get to travel during the summer (I’ve been to Spain, Disneyland 3x, Harry Potter world-a childhood dream, D.C, Vegas, NYC, and lots of other places I can’t think of off the top of my head) and am really enjoying my life. I am still working on healing triggers and fight/flight responses, and rebuilding my faith, but this is the happiest I have been since before I met E.

NOW for the petty revenge: I didn’t even have to lift a finger, because the best revenge is a life well lived while they don’t live well.

My bff was pregnant (she just had her baby and he is SOO cute!) and moved back to our college town. When I visited her, she told me that she ran in to E and invited him over for a game night to introduce him to her husband (this is her second marriage, her first was terrible) cause her new husband had heard a lot about him through the both of us and he wanted to know who E was. E showed up with his girlfriend L, who was immediately kinda rude and wouldn’t eat the food my friend made for them because “they already ate” before coming. They played some games, one being priorities where you put things in order based on a person's preferences and they tell you if you’re right. Well L was putting things in order based on E and my bff who has known him for years would go and fix it and be correct. Her husband tried to quietly let her know but she didn’t realize till after they left (one of the things she moved was weddings from the beginning to the end, lol). During another game, L kept putting pieces backwards and straightening the pile of cards, and my bffs husband would mess them up. And apparently, L looks just like me. A few weeks later, she ran into him again and he said she broke up with him. My bff also mentioned that his car (his pride and joy while we were together, and a convertible) broke down and he had to get an old generic one, still hasn’t graduated college, changes jobs frequently and doesn’t make much, and after living in his parents house (with his sister/her husband and baby AND his brother) finally moved out…to a basement apartment two doors down the street. 

After hearing that, I felt so vindicated. My life is full and free; his is still trapped in the same basement circle.

The past 3.5 years since the breakup were the hardest of my life, but I’ve come out stronger, happier, and more confident than ever.

He ruined who I thought I was — but I rebuilt someone even better.
And the best part? I didn’t even have to be petty.
Life did it for me. 💅