I’m not making any progress. My mental health is declining more than ever. Please read bullet points

F14 Idk how to start this off. School is hard and im so ready to quit. ( I’m a freshman in high school ) and it’s so overwhelming.

I hate myself so much. I’m a gross pervert I can’t even make online friends without being gross and clingy towards them. I’m so sad. I miss that feeling of being loved

My family abandoned me so I’m staying with my grandma on my mom’s side that I’ve never truly had a relationship with and my dad and everyone else chooses drugs and everything else over ME. It just hurts knowing I’ve never been anyone’s first choice

• my teacher saw my cuts on my arms and he was so sad he told the counselor who THEN don’t my grandma.. I don’t wanna go back to the mental hospital. I’m so afraid. I wanna die . She thinks I gave her all my blades but I didn’t. I’m so fucked . My grades are horrible and I’m greasy…

• My mental state is terrible. I stopped taking my psych meds and I was never put on medication for my depression.. I am hearing things like whispers .. my room is a mess and is always dark and with fall and winter coming in I just know my depression is only going to get worse.

• I’m a loser. I have no friends, I never go out, I barley eat, we never have any money so I miss out on so much , it’s hard to care for personal hygiene ( unless on my cycle that’s when I really care abt cleaning myself ), and my hair is so greasy.. MIND YOU I HAVE 3C HAIR ITS SO HARD TO CARE FOR.

• Idk. I talk to my cousin in Mexico but it doesn’t help. I’m a loser pervert. I hate my life. If anyone wants to help my dc is sxrzrt thank you for reading I hate you all for having a better life than me