I think my parents relationship is better when I’m not around

I put NSFW just in case When I was in a mental hospital they started to date again when I was w my grandparents they got along wtf did I do other than exist and have mental illness my mom also shoves it down my throat how HAPPY THEY ARE HOW IF THEY HAD A FIGHT IT WOULD BE BC OF ME HOW IM THE ONLY PROBLEM IN THEIR LIFE knowing damn well i want myself dead so she’s giving me my 33 reason to do it i hate being @ his house bc i got sa then BUT THEY WONT CARE ALL THEY CARE ABT IS FUCKING DOEST MATTER IF IM IN THE NEXT ASS ROOM I need help I know how to give them their happy ever after I know how if I’m dead then they can be forever happy and FUCK without anyone there they can luv each other because w me they can’t for some reason if I live they will stay miserable I don’t want that