She gr**med me. I miss her.

I’m 17M, obviously a minor too. I met this woman on reddit some time ago.. and we hit it off instantly. She was nice, kind, caring and reciprocated my efforts in our ‘friendship’. She was 22 (4.5 years older than me). The thing is, I was very much starved for attention so the conversation gradually shidted to us discussing if she was open to explicit things.

She admitted she was ‘curious’ and was ‘interested’ in me. She said that she ‘liked’ me. It went from her saying she’ll ‘wait’ for me to turn 18 to us immediately sexting and exchanging nudes. The worst part is that she was the first person to see me nude… and I hate that she saw me naked and we still cut contact.

I’ve never felt a liking so strong in such a short span towards anyone in my entire life. She cared about me and she would always give me attention. I liked talking to her too- she felt like a good friend. We did turn exclusive as well, only having eyes for each other and all that romantic stuff. I felt like I was 12 again with how giddy I would get. I knew it was wrong, that it was so very wrong. But i loved her company and loved how much she adored me. How can I not?!?!?? She was everything that I craved.

Eventually after a while she spiralled. She was far too older and it hit her. While she got herself together, I spiralled myself and we both agreed to cut contact. It happened so… fast??? I did reach out again but she blocked me. I’m starving for her again now. I miss the connection we had. I know it was so wrong but she made me feel loved too:(

Idk what to do anymore. I’m such a mess.