Can you perhaps help me figure out the type I'm most likely to be ?

I used the basic questionnaire. I'm sorry, this is so long... I didn't answer all questions though. Feel free to ask for clarification if necessary. For info, I tested as INFJ, INTJ, INTP, INFP and ISFP through various cognitive functions tests overtime - as useless as they are. I also studied cognitive functions and used Cognitive Personality "How To Find Your Type" video as well as Frank James' educational playlist. Ended up being unsure as well because I really, really lack self-awareness and knowledge about all this. Technically ISFJ is the most likely as it's the most common. But I can't say I really relate to being Si dom. But who knows. I've been trying to figure it out for some years now. I don't feel comfortable asserting a type for myself and I genuinely relate to everything and nothing at the same time, so... Thanks in advance for any insight !

1- Give a general description of yourself. How old are you?

31, female. I'm not english (sorry for any mistakes).

2- Describe your childhood/upbringing. Did it have any kind of ideological or structured influence?

This might be the longest part, as I think this most accurately reflects who I was supposed to be, rather than what I became.

Until 7 years old - when I think about this period, I just remember not really being in my body and not really being ''there'', I was more like a spectator mentally and emotionally, like watching myself from the back, but at the same time I was physically active and present in the world. I liked drawing, writing, dancing, singing, I liked nature and just doing anything basically. I liked watching the same movies and tv shows in a loop and I liked watching nature/animals documentaries (although they would often make me cry when an animal would die or something).

I interacted with other people but more like because they were there and were talking to me, otherwise I would mostly just observe them or do my own thing. I usually wouldn't really impose myself to others and would just follow if I had to. But if I was in a group and they left me out for some reason, I'd be upset. I would also get upset whenever other people were upset or ill, or if there was conflict around.

For some reason I didn't really feel my body signals well (I would eat until throwing up because I didn't realize I was full, not realize when I felt sick until a strong symptom actually appeared and even then I wouldn't really mind, not really mind getting hurt either, etc). I also felt like I just didn't understand other people very well, like we weren't on the same wavelenght or of the same species (I know it sounds weird), but it didn't really matter to me. I never thought others were the problem. It was just how it was and I had to adapt. Because I wasn't making waves and was behaving rather normally, it didn't cause any issue. I didn't talk that much.

After 7 years old - I started becoming extremely reclusive, socially anxious, suffering from multiple phobias, body dysmorphia, ocd.

From around 10 - add to that very bad and odd behaviors in general but in a completely hidden way (everyone thought I was a very shy but calm and peaceful angel when in fact I was really horrible with many people, lying, manipulating, self-harm, horribly dark and violent inner world, terrible anxiety, etc). I had real issues with emotional vulnerability as well, would absolutely never show any emotions and especially not crying in front of others. I thought this was disgusting and shameful, even closing my eyes in front of other people made me extremely uneasy for some reason, and all sorts of weird things like that. I was completely detached from my emotions most of the time, except for anxiety and unease, but whenever someone was upset around me, it would really unsettle me. I absolutely hated any form of conflict and would feel physically ill when there was.

So from around 8 years old to 19 years old were probably the worst years of my life in terms of how horribly I behaved, thought and felt. Teenage years were the most horrendous – a disturbing (and disturbed), selfish and self-centered emo anarchist hiding behind an austere, cold, unfeeling and arrogant facade full of pathos and extreme and uncontrollable opinions, feelings and emotions that I vomited through stupid poetry, ugly drawing, terrible writing and depressing or aggressive music while isolating and neglecting myself to absolute critical levels. A stereotype.

I still can't explain why I was like that. It was just horrible and weird. It's gotten better. Thankfully. If possible, I'd prefer not to elaborate more on that lol, I just wanted to share that as I guess this might help with typing (loop, grip, whatever).

At school in general - I wasn't a genius but I wasn't dumb either. I've always been average all my life (except PE – I was just bad and terribly awkward) but I was particularly good if I liked the subject (and preferably the teacher as well). My favorite subjects were, overall, physics, languages and literature. In literature I was excellent at grammar and stuff like that and ok at creative writing but my problem was the more analytic side, like commenting on a text and stuff or learning the technical things like figures of speech, etc. it was all very boring for me so I couldn't get into it. I never worked very hard to learn in general and would study before an exam only the day before or something : I was far from hardworking or disciplined. But I would do just enough to not get into trouble because I always hated to draw attention to myself or be badly seen by others.

3- If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

I'd feel normal. I like it when I'm in the same room as some people I like as long as I don't have to talk or listen too much and the vibe is peaceful. Just their presence is nice. But I need a lot of alone/silent time. If alone for some extended periods of time, I'm perfectly fine.

4- What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage?

I used to horseback ride and loved it a lot. Doing a sport just to do a sport doesn't interest me that much though, unless I have formed some emotional attachment to the idea of this sport, or have a particular interest to it for some reason. I also liked basketball when I was a kid and I liked walking. Now with my health condition I couldn't do most sports anyway. Even without this health issue, my energy was already extremely low - doing anything other than sitting and thinking would make me exhausted quickly. As for the outdoors, I love animals and nature in general. I hate cities. And I have a bad sense of direction.

5- How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I am curious only about things that I'm actually interested in. I have specific interests that never changed much and my life circles around them. I only work to survive financially but I have no career ambitions, I just want to spend the rest of my time focusing on things I love. As long as I can do that and as long as I can have my freedom to think and imagine, I'm willing to do whatever people want me to do.

My interests do alternate, sometimes I'll be more passionate about one thing at the expense of the others, but the others will always come back at some point. But when I'm passionate, I'm obsessed. I'm also not really curious just for the sake of being curious. However if someone asks a question, I will immediately want to know the answer. I'll seek it until I find it. Then I might forget it if I didn't really care about it in the first place.

I'm mostly interested in psychology, science, religion, esoterism, nature, health, space, music, tv shows, games, learning languages... But all my interests go hand in hand, I guess. I always try to connect them in some way, even if just in my head. For example, the shows and games I like must be linked to some emotional/psychological underlying meaning or be about a topic I like, or be from a language I want to learn, or something like that, to have any long-term value to me. I can rewatch a show I loved an indefinite amount of time – at the very least twice in a row usually.

As for what I don't like, everything practical – I don't like cooking (but I like eating), housework, shopping, makeup... I don't really like reading fiction as well. I want my stories to have faces and preferably sounds and voices as well, I have a hard time imagining it on paper. I get extremely attached to fictional characters and actors' various personas and usually relate to them a lot more than I relate to actual people in my life. Probably because I can project myself onto them as much as I want.

6- Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I don't want it. But if I were forced to take such a position, perhaps I would like it. I don't know. I don't think I'd be good at it, though. I would want things to be done my way and I think I would have a hard time delegating and trusting people are doing what I expect them to do. I'd probably be rigid and bossy. Or on the contrary, really wishy-washy by fear of conflict and of being unliked... But really, I just don't know.

7- Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

I used to draw, sing, write and play music a lot but badly. I have given up on most of that now. I have never mastered anything anyway. I also don't really like art just for art, or just for entertainment—as said above, I prefer things that have a specific purpose, meaning, or things I can find some sort of intellectual or emotional value in, or things that can be useful to others.

8- What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

I avoid thinking about the past. Too much baggage, regret and guilt.

The future terrifies me because I can't control it. When I think about it, I can only see one bad unavoidable outcome and I don't know what to do with it. At this point in my life, I think having grand future plans is extremely vain and naive anyway. You could plan all you want. If your doctor tells you you have a terminal disease, your ideals and plans won't matter anymore. I gave up on dreams and all that. Disillusionment and disappointment are at least as painful as having no purpose.

I prefer just living day by day. I don't feel like I'm really living in the present though. I'd say that in my mind I live in a timeless place most of the time, neither past, present nor future.

9- How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I'd rather they didn't. If they do request for help, I'll do it if it's within my abilities, because it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't want to be denied help so I shouldn't deny it to others as well.

10- Do you need logical consistency in your life?

I would say yes. I'm pretty sensitive to cognitive dissonance, although I try to ignore it like most people. Whenever I receive a new piece of information, I try to make it fit with the other pieces I already have. If it doesn't, I try to find an explanation in order to make it fit. But honestly, sometimes I just give up and stop caring about that.

11- How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

I'm the least productive and efficient person I know. If I have to work I'll do the work as well and as fast as possible because I want it to be over as soon as possible and not get criticism. But it'll be only because I have to.

12- How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

I have a really hard time making decisions because I'm terrified I'll make the wrong one. So many factors must be taken into account when making a decision. What if I choose the wrong path ? What if this has a bad influence on my future or other people's ? I don't want the responsability. If I make a decision I usually don't change it I think, but I don't really have an example in mind.

13- How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

I don't really process them. I feel a lot and deeply, I can cry in nanoseconds at some emotional stimuli such as a piece of music, witnessing an act of kindness, or random pet videos. But it'll be done just as fast and I try not to stay to much into it otherwise I can't get out. Music has a particularly strong effect on my emotions and brings me so many feelings. I try not to think too much about my emotions - I'm more comfortable thinking thoughts than feeling emotions, but I do feel a lot and strongly. When I feel something, it's like a wave crashing in my face - I can hardly control it. I do not talk about them though. I wouldn't even know how. Talking to anyone or even a therapist sounds horrible to me.