Lost my spark and all motivation to keep going. Not sure how to keep carrying on.

After graduating college, 2025 rolled in and it became the worst year of my life. I moved away for the guy I loved the most, only for him to end things, got laid off twice, saw my one dad's dog get hit by an ambulance, found the other dog dead from animal attacks, my grandma died, my grandpa died, I'm unemployed living with my mom, and mentally unstable.

I volunteer at a public media organization remotely and it took me 2 MONTHS to finish interviews for a story. My editor got upset, saying this wouldn't fly in a newsroom. And that I let personal things affect me too much. I know. I know all of these things. Funny thing is, I used to not be like this at all. It's just now, I struggle to find anything to look forward too. I don't have a predisposed structure in my life anymore like school. I apply to jobs daily only for the rejections to accumulate. I want to go back to grad school to save my sanity and have structure again, but outside of Journalism I don't know what I want to do.

At first I lived everyday scared, paralyzed by my own future. Now I live it numb. Everything bad that I was worried would happen already came to life. And far worse than I imagined too. I wish I could be as strong as my editor, everyone else in my life who could jusr "work through" the pain. I don't know why I can't even get up and also just. Do. Just do it.