life sucks

Life is brutal, living feels suffocating, my life is about just drifting around without knowing. Wake up everyday, dealing with mean people, getting used by others, people call when in need else you don't exist. Getting ignored while texting someone or trying to talk to someone, have no respect, no self esteem,no confidence, been in loneliness throughout life. Having no friends.Listening to others people life,stories,vent but then you feel scared to share yours. Life without goals,dream. See no purpose or future ahead. Waking up in dread everyday. These is a normal life for me the fear,the anxiety, loneliness i have i can't explain,I don't remember when last time I felt safe to talk, to share something with someone. Even i started stuttering while speaking. All my life is about betrayal first parents betryed me by sending to bording school in name of better future at 4 but they forgot I needed them. Now whole life feels like a joke. Why do I exist, what is the point of me, anyways I m not contributing to this world.