Binged again and feel like I'm not gonna be able to stop

I switch between severely restricting and severely overeating. Was eating in a slight deficit the last days and doing good, but I binged yesterday and today. I don't care about the weight gain, I know it's mostly water weight and a bit of fat, but it hurts so much. I literally feel pregnant. I'm physically ill. I feel so bad for relapsing and it feels like I'm not gonna be able to stop and go back to eating at maintenance/in a slight deficit like I used to. I just want to eat normally again and not overeat so often. I can't do this anymore. I wish I was at least not physically ill and unwell after binging. It just hurts so much and it's so uncomfortable, and I know it's gonna take days for me to feel normal again