Specific trauma is killing me, wondering if I'm alone in it?

Content warning for child abuse, no flair for that though. I guess that the holidays are coming up, the imminent family time has kicked up some dust, and now I'm thinking about this again and feeling kind of lonely in it.

So, when I was around eight years old, I started developing symptoms of psychosis. Nobody really paid this any mind, because I was always a weird kid (quiet, had morbid fascinations, and a lot of the adults in my life said I had an "overactive imagination" to begin with), but it started getting out of hand after a while.

The "monster under the bed" fear came with a vengeance, and not in the normal way. I would not touch my room with a 50-foot pole, and I remember being petrified at bedtime, so I just started sleeping on the couch. I also started thinking that people were going to kill me, which in my defense, was also influenced by one of my parents (they were schizo, which I would also be diagnosed with much later) who would preach to the rest of the household that everyone outside was bad and wanted to hurt us, etc., etc.

My parents eventually decided that it was time I started sleeping in my room again. I didn't respond well to this, obviously, but because I couldn't properly communicate that I was experiencing psychosis, because I was eight, it was always written off as a tantrum when I'd start crying. So, one parent would get upset with me while I assume the other turned a blind eye, and they manhandled me back into my room while berating me for acting up (I remember them telling me during one instance in particular, that "the neighbors were going to be so goddamned mad at me". That one really scared the shit out of me, because they always had some kind of warnings about the neighbors and maintenance staff that made them sound terrifying. I'm sure they were probably regular enough) while I cried. I don't really know what my sibling was doing during these times, and I haven't gotten the chance to talk to them about it at all, because I guess that this is one of those things that everyone pretends didn't happen. It's seriously weird, because everyone acts like we're just a super tight-knit family, but the dynamic is really, really odd, and everyone says weird shit. It is not a happy family lol.

Anyway, what I'm trying to ask is, was anyone else who developed schizophrenia early on treated really weirdly about it, and then had it completely brushed under the rug? I feel like there's a much clearer way to word that, but I don't have it. Sorry. I more so just needed to get this out, because my therapist doesn't really listen to me (it can be slim pickings when it comes to finding a quality therapist when you have government health insurance).

Posted Nov 3, 2025, 9:11 PM UTC

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