Tips N tricks

I am a minor but I go to subliminals a lot and write down everything I’ve dreamt and kept in my mind and heart on pieces of paper. However, one thing is i remember 2 years ago - I was more alive, confident and felt prettier than ever. I don’t know how to control the neediness in me now because I want to lock in badly for next year and I’m using all of this to hype me up but I’m dying to get results now. How can I control this? How can I control the bad thoughts too. I don’t wanna be so desperate but because of things throughout the years, this is the only thing keeping me sane for next year and preparing me.