in a funk

about a month ago, i broke up with my partner of a year and a half. it was painful. i wasn’t happy, no matter what was done, and i realized i needed to be on my own for awhile. that went badly. lots of fights, lots of vitriol from someone i so badly wanted to be amicable with. it wasn’t the sort of loss i was prepared for.

i lost a lot to that. a lover, an entire portion of my life and my identity, and i’m now losing a lot of friends. i lost our whole friend group. i’m realizing i’d forgotten how to interact with new people in that time. i don’t know how to make friends anymore.

i’m also losing friends because of my own problems. when i get down i have a habit of self isolating. this can very obviously turn people off, and i know it’s my own fault, but i don’t know how to stop. i convince myself everyone hates me and they’re better off if i let myself just sit alone and quiet.

i haven’t really talked to anyone in days. no matter how bad i want to, i just can’t convince myself it’s worth texting anyone. none of my hobbies make me happy either. i’ve quite literally just been sitting in my room and staring at the wall. i’m so tired