Welcome! (Testimony)

All my life I grew up in the church, went every Sunday with mom and dad. My foundation was built but as I feel all of us can attest to, I was not deep in my faith. I went on like this until 6th grade, where I found pornography and I spiraled into a pit of lust and addiction. Then covid hit. I was locked inside with nothing to do but watch porn and play video games. I continued to get worse, at one point I was masturbating 7 times a day. Went on through 7th grade into 8th where I met my first girlfriend. She was everything I had been looking for, a Christian, someone who was willing to put time and effort into me, one problem… I was still living in sin. This caused problems when I went on a cruise freshman year and I cheated on her. I told her about everything, my porn addiction and all of my past. She wanted to fix me but I ended up pulling her into my mess. We started sending photos/videos back and forth until it turned physical. We carried on like this, going on and off because I wanted to change and have a real relationship with God, so we would stop but then I would pull the both of us right back in again. Then junior year rolls around and we get rocky, in January 2025 God tells me to break up with her. I didn’t understand it because I wanted her not just physically but because I actually did love her. But I did what God asked, I broke up with her, and what followed were the worst couple months of my entire life up until now. I fell into sin worse than ever before, she got a new boyfriend and it pissed me off so I spiraled even more. On Sunday night I see them holding hands and I finally snap. I leave early from youth group, get in my car and go for a drive. Ended up going 130 with my lights off on a nearby bypass. I didn’t care if I returned home that night. But a small voice in my head told me to slow down for the turn coming up, for whatever reason I listed to it and slowed down, and turned my lights back on. As soon as I did a police car was sitting there waiting for me, ended up with a ticket and no idea how to explain it to my parents. All of this while I’ve been going through months of self hatred and loathing for what I had done to my ex. Went to court, and was sentenced to 6 months of probation. That night was March 2nd, 2025. At the end of march my church went on a mission trip to Guatemala. All through the trip I was in a horrible mood, cussing still even while on the spiritual stage for Christ I was being a poor example of His love. Then on the second to last day, we went up to the rooftop and had a powerful sermon that night. It reached into the deepest part of me and pulled out every emotion I was dealing with: stress, anxiety, self hate, anger, sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts, everything. I just let it out, I cried until I didn’t have a voice everything that I had bottled up in the past months all came out at once. I said sorry to my ex again, every time I had I meant it but this time it was different. It came from the deepest parts of my soul, I put everything I had into that sorry. That was the point where my life turned around for the better. I was on fire for Christ. I was praying every day, having conversations with God, getting into the Bible, and really diving deep into my faith. Then by the grace of God, He sent me the greatest girl I’ve ever met, she is now my girlfriend and has been for four months! I’m still on fire for God and now I’ve decided to use the app I used to watch porn on into another mission field of Christ. This was God’s idea not my own, this is all for His glory that I am where I am today sharing this with you. Thank you for reading. I will be posting devotionals and sermons as soon as I can! I love you, and Christ loves you!