9 year old lying constantly + I’m emotionally drained. Need help.

I’m really struggling right now with my 9 soon to be 10 year old. She lies constantly about small things, big things, chores, school stuff, everything. It’s happening so much that I feel like I can’t trust anything she says. I’m reaching my emotional limit and I feel myself starting to detach because it is so exhausting.

I grew up in a home with a lot of physical punishment and abuse. I swore I would NEVER repeat that cycle with my kids. That is truly one of my deepest values as a mom. So when I get overwhelmed, I step back, because I do NOT want to snap or ever go down the road I came from. I want to do better. I want to break that generational trauma. But I feel lost right now, and I need support before I burn out more.

I’m also really trying to learn healthy ways to parent. I didn’t grow up with healthy tools or examples, so I’m learning this as an adult while trying to raise my own kids, and it feels overwhelming sometimes. I WANT to be calm, consistent, and loving but when the lying keeps happening daily, I don’t know how to get through to her without feeling like I’m losing myself in the process.

I’ve tried gentle parenting, calm conversations about honesty, logical consequences, empathy, explaining trust. Nothing sticks. She lies again and again and again. And it’s damaging our relationship and I hate how this feels.

If you’ve been through this phase especially around age 9 how did you get through it without losing connection? How did you teach honesty without constant conflict? What actually worked for your kid?

I’m not looking for judgment I’m looking for other moms who survived this stage and can share real strategies and real hope. I want things to get better.