Late bloomer? Identity crisis? Just scared and trying to figure it out

OK. This might be a long post. Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I guess if you want to judge me early this will be one of those "oh no maybe I'm not straight!" posts that I'm sure you guys see a million times every week. But I'm lost and I'm scared and I really don't know who to talk to or what to do. I'm tagging this as mature partly because of my age, and partly because I will describe somethings (tactfully) that I still think should be tagged as mature.

So, the basics. I'm a 29-year old guy and I did not think I would be having these thoughts at this point in my life. Straight as an arrow for all my life (mostly). We also need to get an ugly truth out of the way: I was a bit homophobic when I was younger. We're talking wayyy back when I was a teenager. It wasn't the stereotypical "Oh let's go bully the ***", but I actively avoiding non-straight people and was generally quite uncomfortable around them. It's not something I'm proud of, and it's something that I've left far, far behind me, but I believe you all deserve to know this. If you want to stop reading now, that's totally fine, I get it.

Anyway, for those of you still with me I guess for the past two years or so I started having homoerotic fantasies. At first I thought, hey, these are just fantasies. People fantasize about all sorts of things, but that doesn't mean that's their sexuality, right? For example, I've heard that it's quite normal for straight men to fantasize about male sexual organs (Again, I'm trying to keep this, if not PG-13, at least not R-rated).

This kept happening pretty regularly and I sort of just ignored it. It doesn't really help that I am, what I think people call, "aromantic". I just don't do romance. It doesn't mean I don't love people or even care deeply for the partners I've had, it's just, I'm not... much of that. It's hard to explain because I don't have the words. Oh, and as an added bonus I'm quite insecure and shy. I don't mind admitting that anonymously like this.

Hell, thinking about it now I've probably consumed more homoerotic fiction (my adult material of choice) than straight fiction in the past six months. But I've never done anything with a guy, except maybe drunk kissing.

Part of me thinks that "hey, maybe this is all just fantasy and w/e like don't worry about it". But lately this feeling has been getting more and intense. Like, I can't stop thinking about it. I want a strong Daddy to, well, you know. I won't get graphic.

But what *really* got me to make this post is that it's gotten to the point where I make kinda blatant statements/flirting but play it off as jokes. They're not. Not really. When I caught myself doing that was like a gut-punch. Like, if this was just fantasy why was I actively trying to get myself into a situation where something would happen?

Anyway, thanks for reading my ramblings. I guess I'm just lost and honestly scared. If this isn't the place to post this, can someone please tell me where to post it. I can't keep this bottled inside me any longer.