Scared to take paxil

I've been on ssris before, but I was desperate to try something. The worst antidepressant I ever took was caplyta. The day started off with me smiling from ear to ear. Everyone around me was staring and looking at eachother like, "That's weird!" It is VERY unusual. I hardly ever smile. I was just so euphoric and I kept laughing at nothing. It reminded me of this girl that used to ride my bus in childhood. She had the same name as me and apparently, the same illness too. Bipolar disorder. I didn't start showing symptoms of the illness until I was hit on the head at 11 years old.

Every day, I wish I hadn't gone outside to walk in the dark against my mothers orders! Ugh! Things turned out so horribly!

Anyway. I was on caplyta, the day started off great and then when my mom and I went out to eat, I started feeling angry. Then on the way home, I started feeling REALLY depressed! I started talking about how I was ugly and everyone hates me. I cried my eyes out. I felt AWFUL! Then I became extreamely suicidal. I just felt so horrible. I felt every bad emotion you could think of.

Well, now I told my doctor I would try paxil and I'm SCARED!

The day I tried caplyta was one of the worst days of my life! I felt so sick in the stomach and I didn't get relief from my horrible emotions until I took my dose of night medication. This is the reason why I'm staying on those meds. I was suffering all day! It felt like I was in hell. I had the worst anxiety ever and couldn't do anything else, but roll around in my bed and cry!

Has anyone here tried paxil? Does it do the same thing to you? All of this happened after only taking one capsule. One!!!

I tried prozac once and it had the same effect, suicidal, just not nearly as bad!

I once had a doctor tell me that bipolar people should never take antidepressants. I have stuck with that rule, especially after caplyta. I got so desperate to try something, anything.