How to deal with my (28F) anger and resentment towards my long-term (12Y) s/o (29M)?

I've been working for the past 10 years while trying to fix up a house we're not going to be able to keep for various reasons irrelevant to the situation but we're only paying utilities the house is falling apart but rent is just too much to change living arrangements. He had been going to school and not helping with anything around the house be it taking out the trash to fixing the broken water heater. I did everything for so long while he played games, went out, and generally enjoyed life. I'd ask for help and it'd always be an issue or I'd always be overreacting in his mind. At the beginning of the pandemic he asked me what I was complaining about and told me that I didn't do anything. So I decided I wouldn't do anything and after five years I have a hoarder house I can't control (or maybe just don't want to). I've gotten angry and even violent out of sheer frustration. If ever he did help it was ALWAYS a chore and he'd make it known he would do it as quickly and shitty as possible and say at least it got done. He'd often ignore me to the point of failure (or I said we needed to get a new water heater, got into an argument and decided it wasn't worth it. in the middle of winter it broke, flooded the basement and we had an absolute miserable time getting something to work)

Last year he graduated, started going to the gym he feels better about himself. this year he got a job and it's been a 180 he's been so loving and helpful and he pays attention to my needs. He's really trying to right the years of wrong he's kind when I lash out and he's really trying to make amends but I can't let go. He's been so different and I:

Dont want to live in a clean house anymore I am terrified it'll be the same. There's so much hurt trying to get everything working by myself and I don't want to find out he's not there when everything is "normal". I can't even imagine a world where this house doesn't consume my everything anymore.

I can't stop lashing out. I have become everything I said I'd never be growing up. I have crazy mood swings. I'm beyond difficult. I'm so nitpicky. He can't do anything right in my mind and I want him to feel like he can't. I just can't get over it. I want to more than anything he's truly my person he's funny and handsome and truly loyal and loving. He's helped me grow into a person I love. He's been there through my deep depression and helped me foster a love for things I am passionate about. He's always encouraging and he's never ever hard on me when I do mess up. I just need help getting back to a place where I don't hate him on impulse

Tldr: my s/o was shitty he's taking considerable steps to be better and I want to stop hating him.