Lost the love of my life.

I got started at 12 and accelerated without stopping all the way into adulthood. I’m 27 now, and turning 28 in just a few days. I’ve known it was a problem, and tried meekly to get help via online therapists, but never stuck with it. I didn’t feel like I was getting proper help through them, and it was so expensive. Just a couple of months ago my girlfriend opened my phone and I had left all my shit open. She was heartbroken. I told her early in our relationship that I had a problem with porn, and she never shamed me. She just encouraged me to get help and we just sort of moved on. She ended things a few short days after seeing all there was to see on my phone.

Since then I’ve made drastic changes and have made massive improvements. I’m down to, at most, watching porn once a week, and making sure not to escalate to anything hardcore. Still, it’s there. Any day I could be fully taken under, and that scares me. I’m working on going totally porn free, and I’m confident I’ll get there before the winter’s through. I know the struggle won’t stop there, but I’ll do anything to fix this. 

I can’t express how sad I am that I threw away our relationship over porn. I love her so much, and I really don’t think she’s coming back. Please love your partners guys. Please get control of things before you lose what matters most. Even if you aren’t in a relationship, stop for your future lover/s.  

 I’ll update here and let you know what strategies and lifestyle changes I’m implementing.