fuck this

im overwhelmed. im stuck. i hate my close ones and i hate myself. im overstimulated. i think my depression will relapse if i keep getting stuck in my thoughts. i want closure. i hate giving. i hate closure. i can’t love. i feel safe with my therapist because she resembles my mom etc and that’s not “loving the other” that’s just projection psychology fucking anything but not true connection. i can’t love because i always want to just receive. actually breathing works. this is so nice i can just stop thinking. nothing in my brain. wow. i want to bang my head against the walls.