AITA for treating my wife like one of my subordinates in the military?

I (36M) have been with my wife (34F) for 6 years, but we've been together for 14 years. I've also been in the military (enlisted) for a little over 12 years. While I know this will trigger any BroVets™️ who may be reading, leadership in the military nowadays isn't just screaming and yelling; it's more about mentoring and helping junior servicemembers find solutions to problems themselves in order to grow (this will be relevant later).

My wife also works full time, and we both share the domestic responsibilities pretty evenly, though she does a little more than me; even though I'm not attached to a deploying unit right now, I still work 500-55 hours a week, whereas she is averaging around 35+. Because we both like cooking, we take turns with who cooks dinner and who does the dishes. However, when it's her turn to do the dishes, she normally just rinses things and loads the dishwasher, then stacks the hand wash for "later," but it usually ends up being the left until it's my turn. I've mentioned it a couple of times and the response is typically something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I was just worn out from work and wanted to take a break, then I forgot." I don't doubt that she's tired, but it does irk me a little that she uses that as an excuse when I work 15-20 more than her each week and still do the dishes when it's my turn.

As many of you know, uncertainty around the gov't shutdown has increased stress and anxiety for a lot of military families, and that is definitely a factor in why I was irritated when last night, once again, my wife left all the hand wash and countertops unfinished. So, I decided to address the issue the way I would of one of my subordinates was doing something like this. I usually tell them a similar story and ask how they would solve the problem, and lead them towards putting the pieces together for themselves. Overall, it's a lot more effective than simply chewing them out. My wife, who's been with me for my whole military career, knows I use this tactic.

So I had to do barracks inspections today, and when I got home and was telling my wife about my day, I made up a story about one of my junior people didn't fully clean his room, and said that when I asked him why, he said because he'd was tired and would get to it later.

Without missing a beat, my wife, accustomed to years as a military spouse, immediately said, "Yeah, that's no excuse." And then she immediately got quiet. She immediately picked up on my point and after a few minutes she stormed out and went to our bedroom. A little while later I went to our room to ask if she wanted me to make dinner, and she told me to leave her alone. As I left, she snapped at me that it was unacceptable that I treated her like she was one of my subordinates and told me to leave her alone for the rest of the night.

So, am I the asshole?