// multiple mentions of a predatory person who was initiating sexual things with minors //

after not telling anyone for a while, I've recently been prompted to open up about my life a little more, which kind of leads me to saying something along the lines of "yeah, when I was younger, I was sexted by a grown man who knew perfectly well that I was a minor" to certain people

I get a handful of "well, I'm glad you were able to get out" or "I'm glad you recognized that things were bad", but all I'm doing is lying by omission, because I knew all of that, but still talked to him for an hour and fell asleep in the middle of the conversation, woke up and waited about an hour in case he cared enough to keep the tab open and wanted to keep talking to me, recognized him somewhere else a few months later and *still chose to engage*, which resulted in exactly what happened before.

I don't want other people to judge me for being stupid, which is sort of the whole point of intentionally leaving out details to make myself look better, but at the same time, "I'm sorry that happened to you" doesn't make me anything less than guilty, because if *I* was sorry it happened to me, why would I have done those aforementioned things. 

On one hand, I don't want people to start judging me or blaming me if I gave them the full context, but on the other, that's ultimately what I deserve for being an attention whore who knowingly put himself in that situation because he was lonely

and I miss feeling like I mattered enough to take up a person's attention, regardless of what kind of attention it was, but I'm afraid of ever insinuating that when I know that anyone on the outside is going to react to knowing that in the same way that I already do

anyway, those are some words that hopefully made sense in that order, idk

mostly disorganized yapping, it makes more sense in my mind