Realizing How Trauma Keeps Up In Loops

This is my first post on here & I hope I can keep updating this as I go along my journey.

I honestly really need external voices to communicate with as I struggle because it’s been a struggle for awhile. I’ve used an app to keep track of how long I go without fapping & the most i made it was like a month a couple years ago

Recently, it’s been tough even going for a couple of weeks. Hell, most of the time I can’t make it past a week. It’s really sad. It drains my soul I can feel it.

Due to some very traumatic sexual trauma I endured FOUR years ago that I suppressed for a very long time, I find myself relapsing even more due to the associated feelings with sexual pleasure & getting stuck in negative thought patterns where sometimes releasing that urge feels like a necessity to feel good even for a second.

But at one point the orgasm gets so weak & it doesn’t even feel like I’m borrowing happiness from the future it’s just straight depressing from bad orgasm to depleted dopamine receptors post-orgasm.

So far I’ve made it in November but this isn’t about just the month, this is about regaining my control of my kundalini energy.

I don’t people realize how much sexual release actually depletes us. it’s currently day 4 for me & this is usually when it gets the toughest. I’ve been trying to distract myself & do exercises as thats whats helped me in the past but I was wondering if anyone has any helpful tips to completely disregard the urges. It’d be very helpful, thank you.