I miss my online best friend

Why do I feel depressed when I lost an online best friend of mine. When I was talking about my gruge about my parents on a furry server, he talked to me about how I was feeling, and I vented out stuff about my life, and we started to have similar stuff in common. Like music, TV shows, entertainment, etc. Then, one day, he told me that he's going to a hospital after a failed od and told me that he won't be online for a week. The next following, he appears online again, and I was excited to talk to him about stuff. He was alive, but he was depressed and said that I shouldn't care about him and that it would hurt less when he was dead and that he was bothering me. I told him that he wasn't bothering me and he said that people told him all the time. He did later on thank me and said that I was his only reason for living. He did later on got a boyfriend, and he did appear to be happy and not depressed. Unfortunately, on January 26th. He forwarded a message to me about how his parents found the pills that he didn't take and that he has to go to a hospital for a week and said that he'll be online for a week. He has never been online ever since January 2025. Even though we meet in December 2024. It hurt me more because he affected me in a good way, and it helped me realize that I can affect people in a positive way and help them to become better. Before I met him, I thought that I didn't have a positive effect on people and that I was a waste of space and I was weird and annoying. When he told me that I was his reason for living, I realized that I could help people and change them for the better. When he was gone, It hurt more, and I tried to bury the hurt, but I couldn't ignore it, I started to have unwanted thoughts and feelings, I started to feel like a mess, I try not to cry but my body tell to cry. Before my best friend had his bf, he did ask me if I liked men when I was talking about liking sweets. He called me pooks, and he blushed when I called him handsome, but in his defense, he never got normal compliments and got weird ones from people. But the thing is that I'm straight and he's gay