Feeling unwanted….

My wife and I have been open for 3 or 4 years at this point. My wife had a relationship with a woman for about a year before they went there separate ways. She’s had a few dates since but had taken a break from looking as of late.

Myself on the other hand only recently started to put myself out there and I have to say it’s been really rough. I’ve matched with a few people on apps and ghosted and unmatched every time. There’s even been people I thought I was clicking with just stop replying.

I’ve struggled a lot in my life with body image issues and self esteem and lately I’ve gotten into the best shape I’ve been in both mentally and physically since I was in my 20’s. I knew going into this it wasn’t going to be easy but damn it has been so hard. The constant rejection is incredibly hard to take. Especially when going into this I thought I was at least somewhat desirable. Like I get Im not a male model and I don’t drip charisma but this is starting to make me feel be like an absolute troll. Like the amount of mental and emotional energy expended that’s just thrown into a void is very disheartening.

I just want to add I dont think Im owed anything from anyone or deserve anything. I just want to find people to love and who might love me back. Im just not sure at this point I will find that. Maybe it’s just time to forget the idea of polyamory. Im lucky to have a lovely wife whom I love and trying for more is just a dumb dream not meant for me to have.