Letter to letting go!

Today is one of those days when I just feel down. July 12th the last time I saw him, heard his voice, and got a message from him. But it was also the day I decided to walk away in silence, after a long time of “screaming” without words, begging him to see that I didn’t want to leave. I guess, for him, it was just another one of my moods.

That’s when I chose to go no contact. We used to share our location. It wasn’t until the day after his birthday that I decided to stop sharing mine. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday or say a single word. I waited until he got home, and then I turned it off. The next day, he turned his off too. That’s when I knew it was time to erase everything even from social media.

And now, almost four months later, he decides to text me just to mention my Tire Plus appointment. After almost nine years together, that’s all he had to say. Sometimes, I’m truly amazed by men. I gave everything I had until there was nothing left of me and that was my biggest mistake.

He never wanted to fix things. He never apologized. He was a coward, not man enough to face what we had or what he lost. I was just his placeholder, someone he wouldn’t let go of but never truly held onto.

It’s heartbreaking to realize I gave him almost nine years of my life. If I ever see him on the street, to me, he’s dead or just a complete stranger. This healing process has been incredibly hard. I’ve spent months trying to make sense of something that never will.

It hurts because I truly wanted him to be my last. But never again will I trust a man who says he loves you, while his actions prove the opposite.

Please man be emotionally intelligent. Don’t play with a woman’s heart. You have no idea how deeply it breaks us when we love with everything we have.

To the woman learning to love herself again.