How do you know if you actually match?

I’ve spent my life trying to master small talk, be liked, and fit in. I go on dates and am a perfect mirror to the person. They think I’m great, which is great. I look for things to like about them as I don’t know what people mean when they say they feel “chemistry”. I tell myself to ignore red flags (I see them everywhere anyway), and end up in a relationship I loathe. I’m always the one that ends the relationship for all the concerns I had at the start. I just want to find someone who I enjoy being around, and who does not take advantage of my people pleasing nature. I have no special interest and would love to share one with someone but I work full time plus overtime plus my kids. I’m 44 with two kids with different dads. (One dad died). I’ve dated so many “types” of guys and it just doesn’t work out. I know it must be a “me” issue as despite my age, I’ve never had anyone break up with me. Longest relationship was 4 years but I knew it wouldn’t work after two, but dragged it out for another one and it took him a year to move out. Anyone share any of this? .