Have I been delusional this WHOLE time???

So I (F 21) am in this college bio class, and I have been working with this guy (M 19) during labs for the past almost two months. We kinda hit it off, and just have this natural chemistry, so of course, I develop a crush on him. I made prolonged eye contact, really engaged in conversation with him, and honestly feel like I made it semi-obvious that I was into him.

I did this confidently with the inkling that he was ALSO into me, especially since I would catch him staring at me, initiated a study group outside of the class (semi-abnormal for community college lol), and was also VERY anxious around me. He would remember small details about me, and was really intentional and sensitive to my emotions. But boy oh boy I might be wrong, and I found out in the worst way.

So today we go out in our study group comprised of him, a guy friend of his, and me, and the topic of relationships arises. His friend and I share our bits, and then it was his turn. He talked about his first relationship that lasted about 2 years, and that it was perfect until she went off to college. He went on and on about how beautiful she was, and that a part of him is waiting for her to rekindle everything. He had this strong emotion when he talked about her, it was as if he couldn’t contain his emotions at all. Asking about her almost brought him back to life.

In the moment, it didn’t really register. I pulled back a bit yes, but I still talked to him as normal during the session. It wasn’t until he drives me home that it really sunk in. During the drive home (just him and I), we circled back to the relationship conversation. We talked more and more, and when we got to my house, I brought up the ex thing again, and asked him directly if he isn’t over her. He couldn’t say, and just looked away smiling. So I responded with “I guess that’s that then,” gave him a weak smile, and went inside.

There are so many conflicting feelings going on right now. I feel rejected of course, but also offended. As I said, I felt like I made my emotions towards him pretty clear. So to show off your ex in that way as a means of indirect rejection would be pretty mean. But at the same time, what if he didn’t know? Even him not knowing I liked him doesn’t make sense to me considering that I THINK that he likes me.

Honestly, the only thing I know now is that he doesn’t like me, period. I think I was delusional about how he felt about me despite his initiations to getting to know me, and the subtle “hints” I was receiving. I just texted his guy friend if he would be willing to switch spots with me in the lab, so that we could be separated from another until the semester ended. It sucks because he’s literally everything I would want in a guy, and as a neurodivergent woman, it’s SO hard to find connections romantically much less platonically.

UGHHHJHHHHHHB I hate this feeling.