[l] am I struggling or just lazy?

18f. I really hate dms but I really need support so comments are just fine, texting is hell for an introvert like me..

So, it is definitely true that I dont feel any real happiness. I get that feeling of adrenaline when I get to play my favorite videogame, stay home from school, listen to the same songs over and over, and indulge in maladaptive daydreams; but it's normal for me not to be happy if all I have is narcissistic parents, a manipulative shitty cousin, and a childhood friend who ignores me bc she prefers spending time with my cousin. And I also have AVPD so making and keeping friends is impossible.

But I also dont know what's wrong with me. I haven't showered properly in about a month; I only wash my hair bc im ugly and I look even worse with dirty hair. I just use all the deodorant and soap I possibly can, bc even washing my face and teeth feels like a chore. Before going to bed I stare at the toothbrush and then I just give up and leave.

I also have no motivation to be productive. I'm supposed to study a lot, but I dont. I don't feel like leaving the house so I stay home, but when I stay home I simply don't get the motivation to sit at my desk and work. I dont do my homework anymore because I'd rather sleep or stay in bed even tho I'm awake. And the maladaptive daydreaming has also been affecting me badly lately, making things worse. So... when I dont do my hw, I get anxious abt going to school the next day, and I need to force myself to go because otherwise I'll just stay home forever.

How do I know it's not just commitment issues, laziness and distraction? I don't even have access to real therapy bc my parents won't let me get it. It just feels like a terrible loop and that's why I'm worried I'll never get out of it.