Chemsex PTSD?

Hey everyone,

I wanted to share something and see if anyone’s been through something similar. I’ve been out of the meth loop for a bit over a month now. I’m not in my “prime” yet, but I finally don’t feel like a zombie or someone glued to Grindr 24/7. That alone feels like such a relief.

But I’ve been having these really uncomfortable flashbacks, moments from when I was high that just hit me out of nowhere. Sometimes my face literally reacts before my brain does. They’re not hallucinations, I know they’re memories, but they feel almost traumatic. It’s like my body remembers things before I do, and it brings a wave of shame or disgust even though I know that was a different state of mind.

What makes it confusing is that part of me still enjoys “high sex” and the intensity of those experiences, but when I remember what actually happened, how out of control I was, it feels self-destructive. It’s like there are two sides of me that don’t match: the calm, put together me, and the chaotic one from those nights.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of clash or these physical flashbacks after quitting? How did you deal with them or make them less powerful?

Any advice or similar stories would mean a lot. I’m just trying to make sense of this and not let those memories dictate how I feel every time they pop up.

Thanks for reading.