I don’t feel safe at home and just need to let this out

I’m 20M, from Nagpur, Priyadarshi college of engineering, and I just needed to vent somewhere where no one knows me.

Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Every small thing turns into shouting, insults, or even hitting. If I forget something small brooming, switching off the light, anything I get called things I can’t even repeat. Madarchod. Useless. Burden. Bhosdika. Ghinauna. Randibaaz. And so on

I’ve tried so hard to stay calm, to not shout back, to be the “good son,” but it never works. My mother ragebaits me, my father hits me if I try to defend myself, and when I finally lose it, they call me mentally unstable or disrespectful.

I don’t even feel like I belong here anymore. I can’t remember simple things sometimes, and they use that to say I’m careless. But it’s not that my brain just feels tired all the time. It’s like I’m trying to survive in a house where I’m constantly walking on eggshells.

I failed one subject a year ago, just one and they still taunt me for it like it happened yesterday. They bring it up every time there’s an argument, like that one mistake defines my entire worth. It doesn’t matter how much I improve or how hard I work, to them, I’ll always be that failure.

I’ve reached a point where I hurt myself when I can’t take it pulling my hair, hitting my head, scratching my face, and even cut my thighs too, not because I want to die, but because I don’t know how else to make the pain stop.

I even started working nights at KFC in Mate Square just to have a few hours of peace away from home. It’s exhausting, but those quiet moments after work are sometimes the only time I can actually breathe. I’ve already decided I’m leaving home soon; I just need to get out before this place breaks me completely.

I’m planning to leave home next week. I’ll live near my college, cycle to work every day, and just try to rebuild some kind of peace. I don’t want sympathy. I just wanted to say it somewhere. To put this pain into words.

Everyone says “parents always know what’s best,” but what if they’re the ones who make you feel worthless? What if they break your confidence so much that even when you’re finally free, you still hear their voice in your head calling you names?

I just wanted to exist quietly. Study. Work. Be at peace. I’m not asking for much.

Thanks for reading this. I know this post might not change anything, but it feels lighter just to type it out. I just needed to be heard, even if it’s by strangers.