Early in my Journey

After more than 3 weeks of waiting for the results of the CT scan ordered by my GP, I was recently diagnosed with meningioma (29mm right frontal parafalcine) last Monday. Hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I’ve probably cried 2x but I am still in a denial stage. Even after my first telephone consult with the neuro today (Wed), I feel like this is all a bad dream in hyper speed. Tried to keep myself busy with work & house chores so that I don’t have to deal with this. Kind of a head in the sand situation. (On a side note: big props to NHS. I thought it will take some time for me to get referred to a neuro. Wasn’t expecting to have that initial call 2 days after GP sent the referral).

I’ve always had headaches/ migraines since I was a teenager, & since migraines are prevalent with women in my family, I thought it is a genetic thing.

I started having twitches on my left leg last July. When it became more frequent, I decided to see the GP thinking it is a recurrence of a previous slipped disc from ~20 yrs ago. I didn’t think that coupled with the headaches, blurring vision (chalked it up to long days working in front of the computer), fatigue (which I thought due to lack of exercise, stress and perimenopause), and trouble concentrating & memory lapses (again due to peri), it was a big warning sign of a more serious condition.

I am scared to have surgery. My mum had meningioma 10 years ago and despite assurances from her based on her experience, fear still overcomes me. It doesn’t help that I am in a middle of 2 big projects and thinking taking time off is stressing me out. Or that after the surgery, I’ll have mental deficits and I won’t be able to work afterwards. Or worst, that surgery won’t be successful and I’ll leave my kids and husband behind.

I am lost on how I’ll process and accept this 🥲