no one ever understands my childhood and they see me as privileged. was my life just kinda unfortunate or was i abused?

whenever i explain my childhood/adolescence and what i feel like was abuse to other people, they see me as sheltered, privileged and like its my fault. this includes my friends and therapists. this leads me to wonder, is what i went thru actually as bad as i thought? am i crazy/dumb and just blaming my problems on my parents, and something ive feared for a long time, was the blame rlly always on me for just not getting away earlier or rebelling enough?

my family was upper middle class and we had a good home and material comforts. however my mom had massive mental health issues, she never put us in school and the only socialization i has was occasional dance classes from age 3 to 8. my teen years were completely isolated, i couldnt leave the house without a fight/my mom staring me down so i chose to just live on the internet in my room. covid changed nothing for me bc i had never been allowed outside or around others anyway. i met ppl my own age the first time at 18 bc i ran away. it got worse when i turned 18, i never had been allowed to get a job or my drivers license despite trying so my attempts to leave all failed, and now whenever i left home it would be screaming matches and physical fights where i had to fight my way out the door. when id come back she would scream at me accusing me of giving blowjobs. also my whole life since 12 i would spend entire days therapizing and assuring her that her fears werent real or that me or my sister werent doing things on purpose to upset her (she thought us stepping on grass/interacting w nature in any capacity was a personal attack on her and us “being like our dad” who she claimed was abusive). also, my older sister had debilitating illness that left her incontinent and i would wake up in the middle of the night as a young teenager to her screaming and crying in despair bc she “had another accident”. because of this illness my mom put me n my sister on this bullshit highly restrictive diet where you couldnt even eat wheat, rice, soy, dairy, literally anything except legumes and vegetables. often times there was no food because we would only get groceries once every 2 weeks on my dads schedule and i had to eat stuff like dry raw oats with salt. my sister would throw tantrums frequently (understandable) so it was just so much screaming. my dad had screaming matches with us where hed say hes done with us all and going to leave and never come back. he would ignore us for long periods of time when i was a tween, like silent treatment, refusing to buy groceries when my mom didnt know how to drive. i never partook in these fights except in desperate attempts to get the others to stop fighting. the environment in the home was hostile and horrible and i couldnt escape to anything at all but the internet which didnt satisfy me.

you might say in the end she protected me from worse traumas such as rape or deaths of friends or drugs but thats the thing no one gets, all she did was make me incompetent/unfit to a world where everyone needs to learn how to protect themselves. i had sex i didnt want to have and relationships i didnt want bc i had never been taught anything. even tho i tried so hard to be independent and i eventually escaped at 19 it feels like all i know how to do now is be dependent on someone and devote myself entirely to them. that was the only thing i was ever taught to do.

people just see me as spoiled, i guess i am in some ways. i had material items and warmth and (bad) food, but the complete utter lack of social interaction drove me insane, i mean its literally used in torture methods and i dont understand why people dont think its abuse.

also, this isnt rlly relevant bc its not what i tell people abt my childhood, but my mom always slept in the bed with me and my sister till late and would grab our asses under our pj pants and tell us to never tell cps. so make of that what u will.