[40M] Family cut me off from my elderly grandparents (87F/92M) and my father (60M). How do I handle being excluded?

I’m a 40M from France. Earlier this year, after decades of secrets, manipulation, and unspoken conflict, I cut ties with my father’s side of the family in a very public and messy way.

Then in September, my uncle (64M) called me out of nowhere to give me three huge updates:

• His younger brother (62M), my uncle and once 2nd dad died suddenly of a heart attack
• My elderly grandparents (87F and 92M) were being moved far from their home to live near him
• My father (60M) was hospitalized in France this summer after living 30 years abroad in India

My father actually returned to France in July, but nobody bothered to tell me. The move of my grandparents was also already planned and very close.

The only reason I learned any of this is because informing me about the funeral was unavoidable. If that hadn’t happened, I’m almost certain I would still know nothing. The purpose of the call wasn’t reconnecting, just preventing an awkward scene if I found out later and make sure I woukd come in respect.

Since the beginning of the family conflict, my uncle has positioned himself as the “central point of contact.” If I want any information about my father or grandparents, it has to go through him.

For the last 8 years, I’ve been told my father is extremely ill (dialysis, high blood pressure, serious infections…), but I’ve never seen a single medical document or a confirmed diagnosis. Now that he’s back in France and has been hospitalized here, his medical file must finally exist. As his son, it feels like I should at least be allowed to know what is real, especially in case of a future emergency. But again, everything goes through my uncle.

Despite all this, I still wanted to keep a minimal, respectful connection with my grandparents. So in early October, I texted my grandmother for her birthday. She replied politely, saying they were preparing boxes for the move.

I answered and simply asked for their new address.

And then… silence.

The next day, my texts stopped delivering. No more replies. No more delivery receipts. Nothing.

I tried again on October 16: still nothing. I later realized that my messages to my uncle now don’t go through either.

So now I’m here:

• My father is sick, and I have zero verified information
• My grandparents have moved, and I don’t know where they are and.what their number is.
• I have been administratively erased from their lives

I’m not asking for reconciliation. I’m not asking to be involved in decisions. I don’t even want to bring up the past.

I just want:

• an address
• a phone number
• to send a postcard a couple times a year

I know aging comes with big changes and new dependencies. I know someone often takes over the logistics. But is it normal that a whole family member gets cut out completely, without explanation, as if we never existed?

What would be a reasonable way to maintain a minimum connection in this situation? How can I get basic information without creating more conflict?

Any advice or similar experiences would really help. I feel lost and strangely guilty for caring.

TL;DR: Went no-contact with my family this year. Now my uncle controls all info about my grandparents and my sick father. Phones were cut and address withheld. I feel erased and don’t know how to navigate getting basic information.