Rule 34 and POCD....

Feel shitty cause i remembered about 7 months back i messaged some twitter gooner account anonymously to write something about a ship i liked. The account posted smut about underaged characters. I wasnt interested in that. If I was it was certainly curiosity or some kind of checking. The ship i wrote about in thier mind probably was a kid version of it, if that makes sense, even though for me it was consenting adults. Feel like shit. Feel like I have to have had some kind of perverted desire deep down. Remember searching another account but can't remember what for so ocd obviously says it was something bad. This was after last year where I suddenly realised how much immoral rule 34 I was consuming. So remembering this makes me feel like, back to square one. Anything would honestly help. Even just a similar experience of your own or how you coped. I just wanna know im not a monster to be honest.