Feeling down

I'm just really sad lately.... Since it's so hard for me to develop and maintain friendships I've felt lonely. I'm married, but as we all know relationships are hard. He's my best friend but we haven't been close lately. I feel hopeless, worried that I'll be lonely forever. Depression + BPD + lack of social skills = bad combo. And my FP is my coworker who I developed some feelings for, so that fills me with guilt. I'm not acting on those feelings, but I still feel so bad for having those emotions. I'm just a mess and have no one to go to about all of this.