At my breaking point

I have medical problems that the doctors don’t do proper work to figure out what is wrong. And my mental health is horrible. I’m going inpatient hospitalization and probably going to a group home after. I’m losing my son and husband. I already lost my first son. I don’t want to be alive I have no one I can talk to other than my husband and we probably won’t talk unless it’s about our son. Man I’m effed up. I’ve never been this broken. My husband thinks I’m lesbian but regardless of sexual attraction I love him and it hurts to say goodbye.