I'm scared, I don't know what to do.

On the 28th I'll have 9 months clean. I'm not proud of myself, I'm not happy. I thought things were getting better, and everyone told me after my 6mo hits I'll feel better. I did, I actually did. But now it's dwindling away again.

My body doesn't feel normal. At all. I'm 27 years old, and I feel like my body is rotting and dying. I'm always in pain. Every morning I wake up nauseous, my body aches, I get chills, I'm always breathless and it always feels hard to breathe (I do have lung issues, but it feels worse than usuaI. I now have rashes on my arms and I'm taking hydrocortisone for it, my heart rate always feels high, I feel dizzy and disorented all the time - especially when I first wake up the first few hours, I'm always shakey and clammy, and I have a heaviness in my chest always.

always dissociate. I feel like I can't even live in the present. I'm not happy, I'm scared, lost and miserable. Something feels so wrong within me. I'm always in pain whether it's my back, my teeth, having a headache, my lungs, having a stomach ache, or just my body feeling achey. I take Effexor (an ssri) and I upped my dose to 100mg thinking maybe that's the issue. I felt better for awhile, but now it's bad again.

It feels more than just depression and anxiety. It feels like a physical issue going on. It's making me want to use so bad. I didn't have these issues while using.