Heartbreak

You'd think I'd be used to it by now, being in my mid-thirties and having experienced heartbreak many times before, but it never gets easier.

I always thought that the angry screaming types of break ups were the hardest, but I don't think that anymore. It's the one where you both sadly come to the realisation that you're just not suited to each other, after years of trying to be. That's what I'm going through. It's fucking gut-wrenching.

I was depressed and suicidal long before this happened, and now everything just feels... silent. I've been desperately looking for any kind of distraction every single second, because I can't bear to sit with my thoughts. Even writing this post is just another distraction.

I know my future self would sit me down and tell me everything will get better, just like my current self would say to my past self. I just wish I could soothe the ache, even just for a minute, while I wait for it to get easier.

I really miss feeling happy. I'm starting to lose faith in even trying to find joy again at this stage in my life.